There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
