How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
