I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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