So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
