I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
