I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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