At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
