...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
