HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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