I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
