I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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