well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
