Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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