Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So squirting runs in the family.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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