I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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