he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
