You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
