My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I touched a dick in church today
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