k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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