just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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