What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My pussy is not your playground.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
