We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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