how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
