I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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