can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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