im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize