I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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