I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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