everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
