I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
