And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
