I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Come on in and take your pants off
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