I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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