I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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