There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
