He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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