Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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