you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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