I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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