I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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