all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
