Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Still dying that you shit outside
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
