Who did Billy Mays play for?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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