dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Did I show you my penis last night?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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