i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
