did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize