Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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