and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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