We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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