So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
