and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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