You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
