I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
