so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
