sarcasm needs its own font
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
