I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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