The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
