he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
