Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
