the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
